I Feel So Inspired To Write Another Poem

Nocturnal

I wake up and it's dark
I'm like what the fark

Where art thou morning sunshine
Oh no, the time is nine

In the fucking evening
Now I want to eat something

My flatmates wake up with me because they're michinnoms
I'm a michinnom too because I write these gay poems

Ah yes, nDeva fucked me like a whore
Just proves I can't differentiate anymore

Umm...hope Spain wins the World Cup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inspirational Poem By Peter Kim

I want to be successful.
So I don't become a tool.

Like the Maori who tried to steal my phone on the free bus.
Just want to drown that fucking homeless cunt in mucus.

Ari Gold doesn't tutor kids; he teaches life.
And the only thing he does at home is fuck his hot wife.

I tutor kids. It's so captivating and fun.
That's why I go on Facebook while my student analyses a pun.

Vietnam

Haven't blogged with this piece of shit for 4 months. I log in, upload photos of some hotness. And a page-full of java code html fucking language pops up. How am I supposed to order my images so that it's nice and climactic? The funny photo of Eunbee Yoon can't come first for fucks sake. Needs to come fourth.

Actually my fault. Woke up at 10pm. Who the fuck does that (apart from my flat mates). Now I have shit all to do. No Entourage on my Macbook to give me seizures. No food in the house. Raining like an aroused cunt outside. I feel like a Vietnamese prisoner of war.

Yesterday, one of my tutoring student's mom complained that I don't fill up time. 5 minutes. What would a 13 year old learn in 5 minutes. More outlandishly, who the fuck sends a 13 year old to tutoring at eight thirty in the morning on a Sunday? This must be Vietnam.

Anyway. The blog is back. And I am bored.

Hong Kong

The European Man

The outfit above is from the 2010 A.P.C. spring/summer collection. The model wearing it is a pretty hot European male. It is within this second fact that the problem lies for me.

Point 1: his legs are probably 1.8 times longer than mine. Point 2: he's probably 1.8 times skinnier than myself. Point 3: his face is fucking tiny. Point 4: he's white and European so he doesn't look like a Vietnamese grandmother when he wears a red cardigan. Point 5: he can wear a bucket hat without a fishing rod or as part of the Takapuna Normal Intermediate School uniform.

Sub-conclusion: he looks pretty hot.

Implied-conclusion: an Asian wouldn't look as hot.

Conclusion: arggggggg

Foods I Need With Immense Desperation

Salmon steak. Good for immune system and stamina and probably tonnes of other bodily shit.

Lemon sorbet. Hawwwwwww

Gop-chang....no explanation needed.

Beef tadaki. Melts in the mouth like you know what. (Ice cube.)Jjam-bbong - good at any time any day :)

We Need This Bathroom In Our Flat...Bros...

WOODEN drainage omg

If only our wardrobes were this clean. Sigh.

Brush teeth two at a time :)

Secluded toilet for maximum feeling of privacy.

Wooden wall rape. It's so big as well. Could fit like 10 homeless people in here and charge 10 bucks each.

Cbf this list...not!

1. Cbf waiting for the free bus only to see it pass by because it's full

2. Cbf weekly Cecil tests

3. Cbf missing a dunk in NBA09

4. Cbf having a rice cooker but no rice

5. Cbf sharing only 2 keys with 4 guys

6. Cbf Munchy Mart's new policy of always giving out receipts

7. Cbf Sundays

8. Cbf Paul Hong's poker earnings

It's Another List....Top 10 Things I Hate Waiting For!

1. Waiting for Study Link to process my Student Loan

2. Waiting for the homeless person to get off the free bus

3. Waiting for that bitch to turn around so I can see her face

4. Waiting for someone to get the fuck out of the toilet

5. Waiting for porn to load.......jokes people?

6. Waiting for a piece of clothing to go on sale

7. Waiting for someone to acknowledge my lame pun

8. Waiting for the noisy Arabs to shut the fuck up (only the noisy ones)

9. Waiting for the love of my life

10. Waiting for my exam results on Ndeva (no)

Pigeon

I was sitting peacefully looking at the blue sky
Then a pigeon appeared out of nowhere and said hi

A pigeon is a bird that no one wants or needs
Its eyes are like two watermelon seeds

I kick my foot to shoo away the bastard
Or should I poke him with my EFTPOS card

What lovely coloured feathers it has
Looks like they've been shat on by Triads

It has a really large belly its enormous
...to be continued

The Inextricable Piece of Shit That Is Dieting

Many have tried, and failed. I have tried, and failed. If so many people have failed, it must be a real nasty piece of shit. I failed ECON101, but that doesn't make it a piece of shit because only I did. FML. Niggas. Dieting is a real bitch, like pre-marriage Jessica Alba - a bitch I'd like to do, but can't.

I wish I could shit out all my fat for hours and hours, and I'll weigh 10 kgs less. Sigh.

Next is the problem of compromise or my inability to do so. Perhaps the fundamental necessity of life is meat (and a dose of fast food every once in a while). And I love eating. Dieting forces me to sacrifice something I love doing. Isn't that sad? If I loved to donate to charities and I couldn't, that would be sad. Same logic. But I love skinny jeans, too, so there's this balancing act between eating and bum sticking out in skinny jeans. SIGH

There really is no conclusion. Smoking's supposed to help with diet, but I find myself eating more as I smoke. Ditto for exercising, but I eat just as much as I gain = useless.

Someone sort my life out please....and you may get a mention in this to-be-world-famous blog.

Buy Me

A.P.C. green knit.
Commes Des Garcons grey polo. Doesn't it look so soft?

What The Fuck Aye

Jizz.

Jizz.

Eww.

House

Eat.


Work.
Read.Relax.

Cheap Monday II

Jeans for skinny, tall, white males. Sigh.
Comfy looking 'holy' (ANOTHER LAME PUN) sweater.

New Year's Resolutions Check

After getting fucked for law, I decided to live life like a true warrior. Laziness was like an illegitimate child from a previous affair. It dragged me down like a bitch, and I had to beat it without committing domestic abuse (SIGH FUCKING LAME PUN).

A month later, it's time to reflect, ponder, and...sigh:

1. Save money --> I'm in debt
2. Exercise everyday --> beer belly
3. Go to every single lecture --> no...
4. Be less judgmental --> the new fuckers who run the Subway near uni are cunts
5. Quit smoking --> surprisingly the most successful of my resolutions, largely due to my financial situation

1 out of 5 isn't a bad start. It's just fucked up.

But I have hope because I have this blog.

............

...

NIGGA

Top 5 Reasons I Can't Die Today

1. Don't have any kids to continue my legacy (plus I'm an only child...)
2. I need to pass ECON101
3. My followers are eagerly waiting for my story
4. I have some debt that will pass onto my mom if I die
5. My hair's too long (or can they cut it nicely after I'm dead?)

Justice

French electronica duo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQLEj2cLXqk

Dior Homme Boutique

Lets go nigga.

Not only have I made a blog, I'm also writing a story. Fuck me.

Some of you may be aware that I am writing a story. This is a fact.

Inspired by the preposterous rate of divorce in the world today, it is a tragic revenge saga - spliced with some of the irrational shit that comes out of my head.

Here's the first little bit of it. Check my blog in a couple of days for the full jizz:

The Unknown Marriage

A vibration distracted Aaron for just long enough to lose his concentration to complete the last level of Puzzle Bobble. He wasn't going to pick up, but now had little excuse not to.

'Hello'.

I know you want to read on. That feeling of not being satisfied. She's unzipping your pants then suddenly realizes she's late for work. People: I won't leave you satisfied.

From Hedi Slimane's Diary

White and Brown Room

I would like to live in a room like this one day. It looks very peaceful.

Also, as you may see, if you take a shit, you'll probably smell it from inside the bedroom. This symbolises the openness and raw love of marriage. Beautiful aye.

Hot Guys

Hedi Slimane. He began the Dior Homme cult.
Pete Doherty. Junkie, dresses extremely well, The Libertines, doesn't do his fly on his jeans, cigarette in mouth.
Brandon Flowers. Awesome live, nice beard?
Brad Pitt. Now that you're done with Angelina, fuck me!!!

Potential Cult Movements

1. Irrationality

2. Occasional smoking (because normal smoking is expensive and more harmful)

3. This blog

Why I Can't Stay Fat

Gemma Ward. She used to be the hottest model in the world. Skinny, tall, blonde, petite face, no boobs, but I'm not really a boob-guy so that's forgiven. But in the photo on the right, she just looks like a big blob of shit. Is it just me, or did she have bigger boobs when she was skinnier? Biologically irrational. Verdict: I can't stay fat.



The above photo depicts Mischa Barton's tummy. Fuck me. If I don't start exercising, my tummy is going to look like that. Verdict: I can't stay fat.

Do I want a similar physique to a Communist fisherman? Verdict: I can't stay fat.