Vietnam

Haven't blogged with this piece of shit for 4 months. I log in, upload photos of some hotness. And a page-full of java code html fucking language pops up. How am I supposed to order my images so that it's nice and climactic? The funny photo of Eunbee Yoon can't come first for fucks sake. Needs to come fourth.

Actually my fault. Woke up at 10pm. Who the fuck does that (apart from my flat mates). Now I have shit all to do. No Entourage on my Macbook to give me seizures. No food in the house. Raining like an aroused cunt outside. I feel like a Vietnamese prisoner of war.

Yesterday, one of my tutoring student's mom complained that I don't fill up time. 5 minutes. What would a 13 year old learn in 5 minutes. More outlandishly, who the fuck sends a 13 year old to tutoring at eight thirty in the morning on a Sunday? This must be Vietnam.

Anyway. The blog is back. And I am bored.

The European Man

The outfit above is from the 2010 A.P.C. spring/summer collection. The model wearing it is a pretty hot European male. It is within this second fact that the problem lies for me.

Point 1: his legs are probably 1.8 times longer than mine. Point 2: he's probably 1.8 times skinnier than myself. Point 3: his face is fucking tiny. Point 4: he's white and European so he doesn't look like a Vietnamese grandmother when he wears a red cardigan. Point 5: he can wear a bucket hat without a fishing rod or as part of the Takapuna Normal Intermediate School uniform.

Sub-conclusion: he looks pretty hot.

Implied-conclusion: an Asian wouldn't look as hot.

Conclusion: arggggggg

The Inextricable Piece of Shit That Is Dieting

Many have tried, and failed. I have tried, and failed. If so many people have failed, it must be a real nasty piece of shit. I failed ECON101, but that doesn't make it a piece of shit because only I did. FML. Niggas. Dieting is a real bitch, like pre-marriage Jessica Alba - a bitch I'd like to do, but can't.

I wish I could shit out all my fat for hours and hours, and I'll weigh 10 kgs less. Sigh.

Next is the problem of compromise or my inability to do so. Perhaps the fundamental necessity of life is meat (and a dose of fast food every once in a while). And I love eating. Dieting forces me to sacrifice something I love doing. Isn't that sad? If I loved to donate to charities and I couldn't, that would be sad. Same logic. But I love skinny jeans, too, so there's this balancing act between eating and bum sticking out in skinny jeans. SIGH

There really is no conclusion. Smoking's supposed to help with diet, but I find myself eating more as I smoke. Ditto for exercising, but I eat just as much as I gain = useless.

Someone sort my life out please....and you may get a mention in this to-be-world-famous blog.

...

NIGGA

Not only have I made a blog, I'm also writing a story. Fuck me.

Some of you may be aware that I am writing a story. This is a fact.

Inspired by the preposterous rate of divorce in the world today, it is a tragic revenge saga - spliced with some of the irrational shit that comes out of my head.

Here's the first little bit of it. Check my blog in a couple of days for the full jizz:

The Unknown Marriage

A vibration distracted Aaron for just long enough to lose his concentration to complete the last level of Puzzle Bobble. He wasn't going to pick up, but now had little excuse not to.

'Hello'.

I know you want to read on. That feeling of not being satisfied. She's unzipping your pants then suddenly realizes she's late for work. People: I won't leave you satisfied.

Potential Cult Movements

1. Irrationality

2. Occasional smoking (because normal smoking is expensive and more harmful)

3. This blog

Why I Can't Stay Fat

Gemma Ward. She used to be the hottest model in the world. Skinny, tall, blonde, petite face, no boobs, but I'm not really a boob-guy so that's forgiven. But in the photo on the right, she just looks like a big blob of shit. Is it just me, or did she have bigger boobs when she was skinnier? Biologically irrational. Verdict: I can't stay fat.



The above photo depicts Mischa Barton's tummy. Fuck me. If I don't start exercising, my tummy is going to look like that. Verdict: I can't stay fat.

Do I want a similar physique to a Communist fisherman? Verdict: I can't stay fat.

This Blog

This blog will make me world famous and rich, hot bitches are going to contact me from America or France.

So, please support me by becoming a supporter.

I love you all. Those who aren't followers will burn in hell along with the atheists. I will reward you with irrational poetry.